More Tea, Hilary?

Three months have sped since the first Kindle upload of my novel Coyote Jack and the Bluebirds, and it’s been all go since then. For a few days nothing much happened – in my own small and selfish world, anyway – until one day I peered inside Outlook to find an email from Bono – yes THE Bono – saying how much he feckin’ well loved my novel. Attached was a picture of him and David Bowie hugging in close over a Kindle whilst in the background Madonna (or someone looking very much like her) could be seen kicking off about the hijacking of her device.

Things moved pretty quickly after that. There were the television interviews, the magazine spreads and that bloody Booker nomination fiasco (the suggestion that they make room for a second winner this year was the cause of much controversy, though Hilary made it perfectly clear to me over tea and scones (my shout) that she wasn’t all that bothered). The movie adaptation is on its way – Denzil’s just left, as it happens – my family and I have settled into our new home in the Bahamas and I finally got that tattoo done on my back, you know, the one of the flaming Kindle Logo that I’d been promising myself for years.

So yeah, reader, there you go. Job done!

This is me signing out – it’s been a ride. x

– – – – –

Lies. All of it. None of that happened (apart from the bit where I uploaded my novel). In fact nothing very much happened at all, save for several kind friends downloading, reading and (purportedly) enjoying the book. I’ve managed to cajole a few pleasant reviews (with only one being sweated out at gunpoint) and a two day promo via the Kindle Select Promo saw me rocketed into the stratospheric heights of the top 30 Free Kindle Downloads for Literary Humour, before the inevitable plummet back down into the inconsequential void of dark and broiling nothingness.

Which is cool. Rome, builders, days and all that. Those two promo days saw my novel downloaded a couple hundred times, and I’m sure that somewhere in amongst that lot lurks the odd global megastar whose next big project will centre around the all-important promotion of my writing career (once they’ve finished abolishing third world hunger, saving the rainforest, blah blah etc yawn). Failing that I can only hope that some of those downloads result in happy readers who go on to post positive reviews. (I had to smile when I read about the experiences of a fellow Kindlite at with regards asking friends to post a review. Whilst I am eternally grateful to the handful of mine that swiftly typed their thoughts on my novel to Amazon I still perform a daily review-dance around the wig-wam in my back garden in the hope that I can somehow telepathically motivate all those others to contribute twenty words in as many seconds.)

So yes, there we are. Book up, first free promo done, novel spread like a thin layer of literary marge across a Google-clinging gnat’s Ryvita, leaving me with the dilemma facing all those other thousands of millions of trillabilly-Kindle-indie authors out there…namely, what now?

Well, we’ll see. To be honest I’m actually just enjoying having a nose around the online Kindle self-publishing scene, and have already earmarked several selfies that I’m looking forward to downloading and reading. I’ve had some bad experiences with ‘popular’ published novels recently (The Slap in particular left me in need of counselling and The Hundred Year Old Man That Climbed Out of a Window Just to Piss Me Off succeeded) and it’s time I started paying some real attention to the indie Kindlehood. I’m part of it, after all.


Updated: March 28, 2014 — 9:26 am

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  1. It was a bloody good read and I thoroughly enjoyed it! xxx

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